Episode 141 - Being Your Own Best Friend - Part 1
12 Essential Principles for Self-Compassion
Discover how treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a dear friend can transform your life, relationships, and sense of purpose.
The Journey to Self-Compassion
Three years ago, I launched this platform with a simple question: "Why?"
Looking back at that first episode, I can hear the nervousness in my voice, sense the insecurity I felt embarking on this coaching journey. The sound quality wasn't perfect, and my delivery showed my inexperience, but something important was happening—I was answering a call to share my story and what I've learned along the way.
My mission then remains my mission today: to help women create a life they love, no matter their season or circumstance. This isn't just a catchy tagline—it's the driving force behind everything I do, especially in my work coaching women of faith in the mid-season of life.
Introducing: Being Your Own Best Friend Series
Today, I'm thrilled to introduce a new series called "Being Your Own Best Friend." While the concept might sound simple, don't underestimate its transformative power. When properly understood and applied, this approach can fundamentally change your relationship with yourself—and by extension, every aspect of your life.
What do I mean by "being your own best friend"? It's about treating yourself with the same kindness, support, and understanding you'd naturally offer someone you deeply care about. It's about creating a compassionate internal dialogue that fosters growth rather than criticism.
Through my coaching practice and personal experience, I've identified 12 essential principles that form the foundation of healthy self-relationship. When people struggle with how they relate to themselves, they typically don't understand one or more of these crucial concepts.
The 12 Principles of Self-Friendship
1. You Are Not a Problem to Be Solved
Many of us operate under the belief that something is fundamentally wrong with us—that we need fixing. While growth and improvement are worthy goals, viewing yourself as a problem creates an adversarial relationship with your own humanity.
When you recognize yourself as a complete person rather than a broken one, you can work with your natural rhythms instead of fighting against them. This shift in perspective allows for authentic development aligned with who you truly are.
2. Self-Criticism Doesn't Drive Growth—Compassion Does
We often believe that being hard on ourselves is necessary for motivation and improvement. We fear that self-compassion might lead to complacency or stagnation.
Research consistently proves the opposite: kindness toward yourself creates a safer space for authentic development and leads to greater motivation, momentum, and sustainable change than harsh self-criticism ever could. The path to improvement isn't paved with judgment but with understanding.
3. Self-Care Strengthens All Your Relationships
It's easy to prioritize external relationships while putting your relationship with yourself on the back burner. However, intentional self-care creates ripples that positively influence everyone around you.
When your cup is full, you give from your overflow rather than your reserves. This approach prevents burnout and makes you more present and available for the people you care about.
4. It's Never Too Late to Discover Your Purpose
Many women I work with, particularly empty nesters, express feeling lost about their purpose. I've been there myself, believing my purpose was defined by what I did rather than why I did it.
Our life's meaning continues to unfold at every age. While our activities (the "whats") may change, our deeper motivations (the "whys") provide a richer, fuller understanding of purpose. The wisdom and experience we accumulate often position us perfectly for the purpose we've been waiting for all along.
5. Your Worth Is Not Determined by Your Achievements
Too many women equate their value with their accomplishments. This creates a perpetual treadmill of proving yourself worthy through external validation.
The truth is, you are inherently valuable, regardless of external measures. Your worth was established at creation and remains unchangeable through all of life's ups and downs. Understanding this frees you from the exhausting cycle of performance-based self-worth.
6. Pursuing Joy Is Essential, Not Selfish
Joy isn't a luxury—it's essential nourishment for your wellbeing. When you engage in activities that bring genuine joy, you become more fully the person you were created to be.
As scripture reminds us, "Men are that they might have joy." Permitting yourself to experience pleasure and delight isn't self-indulgent; it's aligned with your spiritual purpose.
7. You Don't Need to Control Others to Find Peace
Many of us believe our happiness depends on changing those around us. We exhaust ourselves trying to manage other people's emotions or behaviors to create our own peace.
True freedom comes when you recognize which responsibilities are yours to carry and which belong to others. Instead of waiting for people to change, you can create your own happiness by focusing on what's within your control.
8. Setting Boundaries Is an Act of Kindness
Despite feeling uncomfortable or scary, establishing clear boundaries is one of the kindest things you can do—both for yourself and others. Boundaries create the conditions for authentic connection rather than fostering resentment.
When you clearly communicate your limits, you invite others into honest relationship based on mutual respect rather than obligation or fear.
9. Embracing Your Divine Identity Brings Freedom
Many women lose sight of their inherent divinity amidst life's demands and expectations. Yet embracing your true self opens doors to unimaginable possibilities.
When you align with how God sees you, you liberate yourself from the exhausting work of trying to be someone you were never meant to be. This alignment with your authentic, divine identity is profoundly powerful.
10. Celebrating Small Wins Creates Momentum
Often, we postpone celebration until we've reached a major goal. But waiting until the destination to acknowledge progress actually slows growth rather than accelerating it.
Each time you pause to recognize even small steps forward, you build evidence of your capacity for positive change. These celebrations fuel further growth and create the momentum needed for transformation.
11. Self-Forgiveness Acknowledges Your Humanity
Many of us mistakenly believe that holding onto guilt will prevent us from repeating mistakes. We think self-punishment leads to improvement.
In reality, self-forgiveness is the foundation of transformation. It's the gateway to becoming who you're meant to be, running through the acceptance of who you've been. By allowing for the nuances and contrasts of human experience, forgiveness creates space for genuine change.
12. Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality
As Buddha wisely observed, "We are shaped by our thoughts. We become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves."
This ancient wisdom reminds us that tending to our thought life isn't just a spiritual practice but a practical way to cultivate joy in everyday experience. By recognizing how your beliefs about yourself and your life create your reality, you reclaim the power to shape a more beautiful existence.
The Journey Ahead
These 12 principles form the foundation of being your own best friend. In upcoming posts in this series, we'll explore practical ways to develop this essential relationship with yourself.
Whether you're struggling with self-criticism, feeling lost in your current season, or simply wanting to deepen your relationship with yourself, this series will provide practical tools and compassionate guidance.
Remember, being your own best friend isn't about perfection or self-indulgence. It's about creating a relationship with yourself built on kindness, respect, and understanding—the same qualities you would offer a dear friend.
I invite you to join me for all parts of this series. Consider it your roadmap to a more compassionate, authentic relationship with yourself—one that will ripple outward to enhance every aspect of your life.
What principle resonates most with you? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and don't forget to subscribe for the next installment in this transformative series.
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About the Author: With over three years of podcasting experience and specialized coaching for women of faith in the mid-season of life, I'm passionate about helping women create lives they love, regardless of circumstance.
