Thoughtful Thursday & ABC’s

Have you ever thought about how powerful words can be?

Sometimes, without even realizing it, we use words in a way that separates us from others, creating an invisible wall between "you and me."

But what if we start thinking in terms of "us"?

This change might seem small, but it can make a big difference in how we see and treat each other.

There are 5 ways that you can disempower yourself by thinking in terms of "you and me" instead of "us."

I call them The ABC's of Disempowerment.

A - About You

This is when the story you are telling is all about you. You are focusing on how you are affected by others and that life is happening to you.

B - Blame

Blaming is when you say someone else is the reason for everything bad that happens. It's easy to point a finger at someone else, but it doesn't fix anything. Blame makes the other person feel attacked and puts up a barrier between the two of you.

C - Complain

Complaining is when you talk about all the bad things without trying to make them better. This can even lead you to get stuck in a pattern or habit of negativity, and pretty soon, that is all you see.

D - Defensive

Being defensive is when you protect yourself by refusing to listen to what anyone else has to say. You feel the need to defend yourself and prove your position.

E - Escape

Escape is when you run away from problems instead of facing them. You don't want to be in the spotlight. You don't want to express yourself or share how you feel. When you feel affected by someone, it can feel dangerous to you, so you want to avoid it.

The truth is, we all find ourselves doing one or more of these because we want to avoid feeling negative emotions.

They don't feel great, so we try to push them away, but we are only disempowering ourselves and creating contention and disconnection in our relationships.

When this happens, it is common to make the other person out to be the villain in our story.

However, when you realize you don't need a villain to blame, you can start taking responsibility for your own thoughts, words, feelings, decisions, and actions.

Taking responsibility creates a path to change.

When you notice yourself doing one or more of the ABC's of Disempowerment, this can be a clue to you that you are thinking in terms of “you and me" instead of “us,” and that you are trying to avoid feeling negative emotions.

This is your opportunity to get curious and learn.

You can begin by asking questions like:

“What am I making it mean about me?”

“How is this situation not about me?” 

“What else is going on for the other person?” 

“What am I responsible for in this situation?” 

"Why am I needing to blame the other person? 

“What am I complaining about?” 

“Am I in a negative spiral?” 

“Why do I feel the need to defend myself?" 

“How am I trying to escape from negative emotion?” 

“What am I afraid of feeling?”

This allows you to create a pause between how you are feeling and how you act.

This pause helps you to begin shifting your perspective to one of “us” so that you can step into the person you want to be in your relationships.

Click HERE to listen to my podcast episode to learn more!