Episode 136 - The Goal Is Not The Goal
Why Traditional Goal-Setting Fails (And What to Do Instead)
Did you know there's actually a day called "Quitter's Day"? It falls on the second Friday of January - that's when most people abandon their New Year's resolutions. This year, it was January 10th, 2025. But what if I told you there's a way to make your goals stick that actually feels exciting and fun?
Why Traditional Goal-Setting Often Fails
Many of us approach goals with a heavy sense of "should" or "need to." We set goals because we're trying to prove our worth, thinking "If I accomplish this thing, then I'll be enough" or "When I reach this milestone, then I'll be happy."
But here's what I've learned after years of coaching women of faith: Your worth isn't tied to whether you achieve your goals. You're already 100% worthy, valuable, and enough – right now, exactly as you are.
The Road Trip Analogy
Think about planning a road trip. Sure, you have a destination in mind, but is the only purpose to arrive? Of course not! It's about:
The unexpected diners you discover along the way
The playlist that becomes the soundtrack to your memories
The conversations that unfold when you're miles from home
This is exactly how it should be with our goals. The destination gives us direction, but the magic happens in the journey.
Why "The Goal Isn't the Goal"
When we focus solely on reaching the destination, we miss the whole point. The real magic isn't in:
Losing the weight
Getting the promotion
Learning the language
Instead, it's about who you become while pursuing that goal. It's about:
The daily choices
The small wins
The moments of showing up for yourself
The lessons you learn when things don't go as planned
The Three Shifts for Sustainable Goal Achievement
Remember, when we say the goal isn't the goal, we're not saying goals don't matter. They absolutely do! They give us direction, purpose, and a way to focus our energy. But they're more like the trellis that supports a growing vine - they provide structure for our growth, but the real magic is in the growing itself.
When we release ourselves from the pressure of achieving the goal perfectly, something shifts. We stop operating from a place of shame or "should" and start moving from a place of possibility and growth. It's like the difference between dragging yourself to the gym because you hate how you look, versus moving your body because you're excited to see what it can do.
This brings us to what I call the three shifts of sustainable goal achievement:
1. From "Have to" to "Get to"
Instead of "I have to exercise," try "I get to move my body and build strength."
2. From "All or Nothing" to "Something is Better Than Nothing"
Rather than abandoning your goal because you can't do it perfectly, celebrate the small steps forward.
3. From "When Then" to "Here Now"
Instead of "When I reach my goal, then I'll be happy," find joy in the process of becoming.
Real-Life Example: Learning Italian
I'm currently learning Italian, and there are definitely days when I don't feel motivated to open Duolingo. If I waited for motivation, I might never start. But I've set my floor really low – just five minutes a day. Here's the magical part: Once I start, I often want to do more.
Some days I stick with just five minutes, and that's perfect. Other days, I do several lessons. Both are wins because both are part of becoming someone who speaks Italian. I'm not just learning words and phrases; I'm becoming:
Someone who embraces being a beginner
Someone who's willing to make mistakes and laugh at them
Someone who sees learning as a beautiful, messy adventure
The IMPACT Framework for Goal-Setting
To make this approach practical, I use what Tanya Dalton callsl the IMPACT framework:
I - Inspirational: Write goals as if they're already happening M - Measurable: Track progress to celebrate, not criticize P - Purpose-filled: Connect with your bigger why A - Adaptability: Create floors and ceilings for flexibility C - Challenge: Push yourself while allowing grace T - Timed: Set deadlines to move past "someday"
Building Self-Trust Through Goal-Setting
When we approach goals this way, we build something more valuable than achievement – we build self-trust. Every time we show up for ourselves, even in small ways, we're saying "I do what I say I'm going to do."
A New Way Forward
Remember: You're not creating goals to prove your worth. You're choosing an adventure because you want to experience life fully. The goal isn't to reach some future destination where you'll finally be enough. The goal is to become more fully yourself along the way.
Start with one goal. Use the IMPACT framework as a support structure, not a rigid rulebook. And most importantly, enjoy the journey. Because in the end, that's what it's all about – not the destination, but who you become along the way.
To learn more about the IMPACT Framework check out One Purpose: The Busy Woman’s Guide to an Extraordinary Life of Meaning and Success by Tanya Dalton.
Want to explore how to apply this approach to your own goals? Schedule a complimentary clarity conversation with me at www.seasons-coaching.com. Together, we can create a path forward that feels authentic and exciting.
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About the Author: Jill Pack is a certified faith-based life coach and host of the Seasons of Joy podcast. Through her coaching practice, Seasons Coaching, she helps women navigate life's various seasons with faith and purpose. Visit www.seasons-coaching.com to learn more or schedule a complimentary Clarity Conversation.
Meta Description: Discover why traditional goal-setting fails and learn a revolutionary approach that makes achieving your goals both sustainable and enjoyable. Transform your relationship with goals today.
Keywords: goal-setting, personal development, achievement, self-improvement, IMPACT framework, sustainable goals, goal achievement, personal growth, self-trust, motivation
