Episode 10 - It’s Not About You
Episode10 - It’s Not About You
I can’t believe this is episode 10. I am in double digits! That is pretty exciting!
I must admit this has definitely been out of my comfort zone. Each week I learn something more and grow a little more.
Last week, my husband said that he had listened to my latest podcast on his way home from work and he had a suggestion for me.
I must admit, it was hard for me. My primitive brain started looking for danger and my mind started offering all kinds of negative thoughts.
Thoughts like - I am terrible at this. What was I thinking? I can’t do this. I am sure people think I am dumb and that I don’t know what I am talking about. I will never be good at this. This must be true or he wouldn’t be telling me this. He is telling me this because he is embarrassed for me. Maybe I should quit.
Then to - why does he have to pick it apart? He doesn’t know how hard I work at this.
This all happened within seconds.
I went straight to making it mean something negative about my abilities. Something negative about him. Something negative about me.
Then I paused.
I took a deep breath.
And I thought, “Jill, this isn’t about you being bad at this.” “This is about him believing that he can help you be more successful. To give feedback. He believes he has something to share.”
It wasn’t necessarily about me but for me. It was something he was thinking. It was about him.
I listened to what he had to say with that mindset and you know what? He had some good ideas and advice.
The truth is I do have a lot to learn. I have skills to develop. I am a beginner and I make mistakes. I also have come a long way. I have something to share that I am passionate about. I have a desire to be better and do better. And really I believe I can do this. And I am right where I am supposed to be.When I believe it is something negative about me, I close myself off from expansion and growth. I limit myself. But, embracing all of this about me right where I am right now invites abundance into my life.
Can you think of a time when someone said something to you and you instantly made it mean something negative about you?
Did you know it isn't about you?
I know, it feels so true.
As humans, our brains want to make it about us.
But the truth is, it really isn't about you.
When your children choose differently than you have taught them. It is so easy to go straight to telling yourself you are a terrible mother. Looking for what you did wrong. Believing that if you had done something differently then your children would have done as they were taught growing up. Or believing that if they loved you and respected you, they would have stayed on the path. You aren’t good enough.
But the truth is, it’s not about you. You were the perfect parent for them.
It’s about them. It is about their agency. About them making their own choices and about their growth. They are here to learn and grow just like you. It just looks differently than you thought and that’s ok.
When your husband doesn’t do the dishes and watches the game instead. It is so easy to go straight to telling yourself that he doesn’t respect you. That if he loved you he would have done the dishes. That if you were more loveable he would do what you asked. He must not care enough for you and he doesn’t consider your feelings. You must not be enough.
But the truth is, it’s not about you. It’s about him. Now I am not saying that you don’t make requests of your husband. For sure you do. But he may not do what you have requested and again it isn’t about you. He is thinking something that isn’t motivating him to do the dishes. He could just be tired. He could just really want to watch the game and have every intention to do them later. And quite honestly, it could be that the dirty dishes don’t bother him as much as they do you. But I promise you it isn’t about you.
When your friend is not replying to your texts. It is so easy to go straight to thinking that she must be mad at you. That if you were better friends she would text you back sooner. Thinking that you must be annoying her or that something is wrong with you. She doesn’t consider your feelings. You aren’t good enough.
But the truth is, it’s not about you. It is about her. She has something going on in her life that isn’t about you. It could be that what soon means to you is different from what soon means to you. It could be that she got busy and just forgot because she is a human being. It isn’t about you.
When a loved one leaves the church. It is so easy to go straight to believing that you are going to be disconnected. That now you don’t have anything in common. Believing that if they cared about you they wouldn’t leave. That if you would have done something different they wouldn’t leave. You didn’t do good enough.
But the truth is, it’s not about you. It’s about them. They have questions, worries, and concerns. They are seeking, learning and growing in their way. They may already feel disconnected. They are human and they are trying to figure this life out the best way they know how to. They are seeking to understand who they are and their purpose in this life. They are doing the best they can and it isn’t about you.
When someone says something that you believe is unkind. It is so easy to make it mean you aren’t good enough. That something is wrong with you.
But the truth isn’t about you. It means they think the unkind thought. It tells us about them–not you. If you behave in a way so that people will like you–they don’t really like YOU. They like who you are pretending to be. If you think you aren’t good enough, you will look for evidence to prove your belief, and you will find it. If you believe you are good enough, you don’t need any evidence. People look to you to see how to treat you. How do you treat yourself? Being enough is an inside job. Being enough is already done….you just haven’t noticed. You are good enough. Period.
It isn’t about you.
What if this is true?
How would you feel if you could believe this?
How would you show up in your life?
What would your relationships look like by embracing this belief?
Do you know what else is true? You get to believe whatever you want to believe.
What is the down side to believing that it isn’t about you?
Thank you for listening. If you like what you hear, I would love it if you would share it with your friends and family and leave me a review.
Have a joyful week!
To schedule a free Discovery Call, join my Seasons of Joy Facebook Group, and register for my upcoming An Awakening Retreat go to Seasons Coaching.
