Episode 90 - Finding the Joy in the Now
Episode 90 - Finding the Joy in the Now
I am so glad to be here.
Can you believe that Christmas is less than a week away? I can’t.
Do you feel ready? I am not quite ready but it will come whether I am ready or not.
I wanted to remind you about my workshop, Strengthening Your Relationship with God During the Holidays, that I recently recorded. This workshop is a great way to help you feel closer to God during the Christmas Season. The recording of this workshop is available for purchase on my website for only $10. Just click the link in the show notes to learn more. This may be a great gift to give someone on your list.
I also wanted to remind you of the two ways you can work with me. The first way is in my one on one coaching program called the Season of Creation. We will work together for 12-weeks–a season–and we will work on ways to help you become the creator of your life. You will no longer live like life is just happening to you but for you. We will apply the concepts I teach you to your personal situation. You will leave our time together empowered to live a life you love without needing the people in your life to change.
The second way you can work with me is in my new beta group coaching program called the Season of Connection that will be launching in January 2024. It will run for 6-weeks. If you are curious about coaching and how it can help you, this is for you. If you are needing a more affordable coaching option, this is for you. If you are a midlife woman of faith who is ready to create greater connection in your life, this is for you. This group setting provides a beautiful space of learning and support. Group coaching can be so powerful. As you hear other people’s stories and you see other people get coached, it helps you gain greater awareness of your own stories. From that place you can begin creating the kind of relationships you want to have. What better way to start the year off right?
As midlife women, it can be challenging to navigate the changes that occur in this season of life. We can begin to feel disconnected in our relationships with ourselves, others, or God. If you are ready to create desired change so you can love your life, either one of these programs are for you. You can learn more about these programs by visiting the podcast show notes or my website www.seasons-coaching.com.
Now on to this week’s episode.
I want to talk about the idea of finding joy in the now. I thought this would be a perfect topic as we are heading into Christmas. We talk about the joy of the season and we seem to put a little more emphasis on joy this time of year.
Many times we associate joy with being present in our lives. You have probably heard phrases like “be where your feet are” or “be in the now” or “be where you are and the people you are with.” There are probably more phrases you can think of but I want to take this idea a little deeper with you today.
Finding joy in the now is more than being present. It is about soaking in the joy of the moment. That sounds great when things seem awesome. However, I know that this can seem difficult when where we are doesn’t seem that great. We can’t imagine finding joy where we are and we want to do things that will move us through this moment as quickly as possible. I get that. There will be times we do just that. However, I want to offer you some other ideas to think about.
I recently came across a quote by Mateo Tabatabai that I want you to be thinking about.
“Being aware of the present moment simply means you never believe the illusion that the future is going to be better than what is going on right now.” – Mateo Tabatabi
This quote illustrates what I focus on today.
Do you remember when you were younger and you couldn’t wait for Christmas? Or you couldn’t wait to get your driver's license? Or you couldn’t wait to date, to get married, or to have kids? Then you couldn’t wait to get those same kids out of diapers, walking, in school and for some maybe even leaving home?
These are examples of looking to a future event and believing we will feel better there.
Then we hit a point in our life where we might start thinking about the “good old days.” It was so great when….you fill in the blank. If only it was like it was then. I will be honest there are times I long for the days when my body worked better. When my shoulder didn’t hurt or my wrist wasn’t stiff or my knee wasn’t sore. You may be thinking about when all your kids lived at home or when they all were home for the holidays.
This is comparing our current reality to the past and believing it was better then.
You get the idea.
Either of these things reinforces the idea that our happiness is created outside of us.
What if we are actually living the “good old days” now and that it doesn’t get better than this? What if this moment, right now, is where joy is found?
Again, I can hear some of you pushing back on this. You may be thinking, “what, this is as good as it gets. Well, that sucks.”
You may be thinking about a relationship you wish was better, or a life circumstance that you wish would improve like your job, your marriage, your weight, or your bank account.
We are constantly being sent messages from the world that if certain things happen then we will be happier or life will be better.
I had a coach say it this way, “What if your capacity for happiness right now is exactly equal to your capacity for happiness at some future point in time?”
In this moment of time, we all have the ability to be fully present and fully happy. We have the ability to control what we think and choose joy no matter our season or circumstances.
Many of us don’t think this is possible. We believe that we have to work hard for some future happiness. If we get through or endure what is happening right now then we can achieve happiness in the future with the perfect spouse, perfect job, perfect amount of money or time, etc.
Here's the truth. Our circumstances are never responsible for our happiness. What we are choosing to think at any given moment creates our happiness. Your ability to be happy right now is at 100%. Your ability to be happy in the future is 100%. Your ability for happiness is exactly the same whether it is now or in the future. If that is true, why do we wait for our circumstances to change in order to give ourselves permission to be happy in this moment?
There were many years where I believed that if I was thin enough then I would be happy and I could finally enjoy my life. So in many ways I wasn’t enjoying my life along the way. I was waiting for that magical moment when the scale read the desired number. However, that number has come and gone quite a few times in my life and so did my happiness. But it wasn’t the number on the scale that was affecting my happiness–It was the belief that happiness came with the number. I wasn’t giving myself full permission to be happy no matter what the number was. I was holding back happiness for myself until the perfect day.
I know miserable thin people and happy heavy people. How can that be if happiness comes front the number on the scale?
Things outside of us will never bring us happiness. You can get all the stuff you desire and still not be happy. Managing your mind properly is going to help you create happiness not the accumulation of stuff.
I am not saying that you don’t want to work on achieving goals or try to progress and improve your life. Progressing, growing, and creating are part of our DNA and part of our personal journeys on earth. However, we don’t have to do those things to feel better.
Many people believe the lie that you will be happier in the getting of those things.
What if you could challenge yourself to find the beauty of this moment right now?
I may have told this story here before. I apologize if I have but I think it really illustrates this idea of finding joy in the moment.
About a year ago, I had an experience where I was gathering with a few of my children for dinner at one of their houses. I was apprehensive because I knew that there would be lifestyle choices of my children that would be more in my view because it wasn't at my house. I experienced a lot of thoughts and emotions leading up to our dinner. I was frustrated that my adult children were choosing to live differently than we taught in our home. I was sad because I wanted it to be like it used to be.
As I sat in my apprehension, frustration and sadness. I had an experience that for me was spiritual. I had what I will call a spiritual glimpse. I had two scenarios play out in my mind.
The first scenario, I pictured getting to the gathering feeling apprehensive, frustrated and sad. I could see myself being distant and pouty. I could see myself on the outside of the group wishing things were different and not really participating. My family knows something is wrong and then it is all weird. Then finally coming home and going to bed sad and miserable.
The second scenario came quickly after the first into my mind. I pictured myself getting to the gathering full of feelings of love and acceptance for myself and my family. I could sense that I was believing that I wanted to connect with my family. I wanted to have a fun time just being all together no matter what. Not that I loved their choices but I wasn't judging their choices. I wasn’t focusing on their choices. I was focusing on loving them and enjoying them. Then finally coming home and going to bed savoring the moments of connection that I had had with my loved ones.
After these two scenarios played out in my mind, I had three choices. First, I could stay home and sit in the negative emotion I was creating for myself and create more negative emotion for myself. Second, I could choose to go to dinner with my family and be miserable before, during and after my time with my family. Third, I could go and find joy in that moment. There are no guarantees for tomorrow. The current moment we are in is the best we will ever have.
I chose the third option because I wanted to create more love, acceptance, and joy in my life. It is my responsibility to do so and it is only done in the present moment. By embracing love, acceptance, and joy before I went, I was able to choose it at the dinner table, and I was able to choose it when I got home. My ability to be happy before my family dinner was exactly the same as during and after my family dinner.
Your ability for happiness is exactly the same whether it is now or in the future. We can give ourselves permission right now, in this moment, to be happy without needing other people or our circumstances to change.
You may be thinking that if your adult children have a good time at your Christmas gathering then you can be happy.
You may be thinking that if your spouse likes the gift you got them then you can be happy.
You may be thinking that if your sister wasn’t mad at you then you could be happy.
You may be thinking that if you could just lose 5 pounds before Christmas then you could be happy.
You may be thinking that if you had more money for Christmas then you could be happy.
You may be thinking if things were like they used to be then you would be happy.
When you are tempted to look to the past and believe if things were how they used to be then you could be happy or to the future and think “I can’t wait until…” step back and ask yourself these questions.
Why do you want to go back or why can’t you wait?
What do you expect to feel then, and why?
Then remember–you have the ability to feel that way right now. It is a choice.
That is all that I have for you.
Thank you for being here and I want to wish you the merriest of Christmases.
Are you ready to take what I teach to a deeper level? I would love to be your coach!
Strengthening Your Relationship with God During the Holidays Workshop
Join the Season of Connection 6-Week Group Coaching Program in 2024 HERE
Grab the 5 Day Relationship Reboot Challenge Workbook HERE
For another great FREE resource, grab my Mending the Rift: Repairing Relationships with Adult Children
Click on the following links to learn more about Seasons Coaching and my Seasons of Joy Community Facebook Group.
Click HERE to learn more about my Season of Creation 12-Week 1:1 Coaching package.
To contact me about speaking to your group or business, email me at jill@seasons-coaching.com.
