Episode 98 - A Conversation with Clarice
Episode 98 - A Conversation with Clarice
Hello, my friends!
Welcome to this week’s podcast. I am so excited to be here and to share this week’s episode with you.
But before I get started, I wanted to remind you of an upcoming one day workshop called, "Navigating Midlife with Grace: Strengthening Connections with Yourself, Others, and God.” The purpose of this workshop is to help empower women of faith in the midseason of life as they work on deepening their relationships with themselves, others, and God, and providing them with practical tools and strategies to do just that. This is an opportunity to gather with other women of faith in a safe and supportive space to share experiences, and connect with one another.
Watch for more details to come soon.
I am also going to be releasing my 100th podcast episode in a couple of weeks. I can’t believe I will hit 100 episodes and I want to do something special to celebrate. I am going to be doing a special giveaway as we get closer to watch for more information about that so you can celebrate with me.
Now on to this week’s episode.
This week on the podcast, I am sharing my conversation with fellow life coach and friend, Clarice Paulson.
Clarice is a young adult and a certified life and trauma informed coach who works with those struggling with eating disorders and disordered eating. She supports her clients in challenging negative or intrusive thoughts, processing emotions, finding peace of mind, and the self compassion or esteem found inside of them for themselves.
You are going to love this conversation with Clarice!
Listen to learn more!
Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast and rate and leave me a review! Help me spread these tools!
You can learn more about Clarice here:
https://linktr.ee/coachclarice
Are you ready to take what I teach to a deeper level? I would love to be your coach!
Click HERE to schedule a FREE Clarity Call with me to learn more.
Grab my recent Strengthening Your Relationship with God During the Holidays Workshop.
Grab the 5 Day Relationship Reboot Challenge Workbook HERE.
For another great FREE resource, grab my Mending the Rift: Repairing Relationships with Adult Children.
Click on the following links to learn more about Seasons Coaching and my Seasons of Joy Community Facebook Group.
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To contact me about speaking to your group or business, email me at jill@seasons-coaching.com.
Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast and rate and leave me a review! Help me spread these tools!
Auto Generated Transcript:
I have a great episode prepared for you today.
But I wanted to first remind you about my one day workshop called Navigating Midlife with Grace,
strengthening connections with yourself,
others and God.
The purpose of this workshop is to help empower women of faith in the mid season of life as they work on deepening their relationships with themselves,
with others and with God and providing them with practical tools and strategies to do just that this is an opportunity to gather with other women of faith.
In a safe and supportive space to share experiences and connect with one another.
So watch for more details to come soon.
I'm also going to be releasing my 100th podcast episode in a couple of weeks.
I can't believe I'm going to be hitting 100 episodes.
And so I wanted to do something really special to celebrate.
So I'm going to be doing a giveaway.
So as we get closer,
just watch for more information so that you can celebrate with me too.
Now on to this week's episode,
I'm excited to share this conversation with you that I recently had with my friend and fellow coach colleague,
Clarice Paulson.
Clarice is a young adult and a certified life and trauma informed coach.
She works with those struggling with eating disorders and disordered eating.
Clarry supports her clients in challenging negative or intrusive thoughts,
processing emotions,
finding peace of mind and the self,
compassion or esteem found inside of themselves for themselves.
You're going to love this conversation with Clarice.
All right,
I am with Clarice Paulson today.
She's a fellow life coach and friend and I'm so excited to share this conversation with you.
I'm gonna begin by having Clarice tell a little bit about herself and how she came into coaching.
So,
Clarice take it away.
Yeah,
thank you,
Jill.
Um I got into coaching kind of on accident because I really didn't know about coaching until I was actually needing to use it.
Um I was just coming out of high school and in high school,
I,
I really was struggling with an eating disorder.
Uh And so I was hospitalized for some time and getting out of that hospital and feeling my brain change when I began to nourish myself consistently was huge.
Um I,
I call it my awakening because I really thought I became like this full person all of a sudden I have feeling in my body and my mind,
I was becoming someone.
Um whereas I was kind of just staying sick before.
And so I was going into college and I had a coach and I had a dietician and I had people on my team that were supporting me at a therapist.
And I found that I was being really impacted by coaching more than I was by therapy.
Um because therapy had its place in my life.
But coaching was what,
what was driving me forward and getting me excited and making me go to the next day um versus kind of rooting through my past where I know I made a lot of um maybe not mistakes,
but I just wasn't happy living in those details that had left me stuck for so long.
Um And so COVID hit and all of a sudden,
I was like,
I don't wanna do online school.
I wanna do something different.
And my mom and I kind of sat down and we decided,
ok,
I'm gonna become a coach.
Only so I can know the tools I wanna know what my coach is doing so that I can do it on myself,
kind of cut out the middleman.
Um And so I went into coaching,
kind of begrudgingly like not wanting to get certified.
Um But as I went through the certification process and was introduced to some of the most amazing women that I've met.
Um and men that are in this sphere of coaching.
I just fell in love with connecting with people and finding that kind of spark of joy within people when they find something that they value or that they want to build on or create or curate in their life.
Um And so 2020 I was certified as a life coach.
And now I work with struggling young women who are struggling to embrace themselves and their bodies um and really wanting to bloom into the life that they're intentionally creating but feel like they can't for certain reasons.
I love this so much because we didn't really say how old you are.
How old are you?
I'm 23.
So I'm,
I'm in college age.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I could be your mother.
I actually have an almost 23 year old.
So,
yeah,
but I love this perspective.
I think it's such a needed perspective from someone your age to,
to just add more,
yeah,
more perspective.
Um And as a,
as a older woman,
I do work with women your age and I see a lot of struggles there.
And so to have a peer,
right,
appear that has these tools that can share them in a way that I can't as,
as an older person,
right?
And so it's so needed.
So I just want to applaud you for doing the work to,
to get where you are.
I just think it's so beautiful.
I love what I do.
Honestly,
I just think it impacts who I am as an overall person and as a student and as a sister and I love working with people who are my age who are struggling because I think if I had known the tools that I was taught um in like high school or going into college,
it would have made a huge impact on where I ended up.
Um And not that I'm unhappy with where I ended up because clearly I'm creating my dream life.
I kind of say I'm very happy with where I've ended up and who I,
who I'm becoming.
And I'm just excited to see people who are my age and wanting to do that same thing,
but feels that they can't because of something inside of themselves,
which is so not true.
And it's like,
oh,
I just want to show the people the mirror that they,
that I can hold to them.
Um so that they understand like their potential that they're living in and that they have inside of them.
Um and it's just wonderful.
I love it.
So beautiful.
I love how you said it was an awakening because interestingly enough,
that's how I view it with myself at a different age.
Right.
I was like 50 when I was kind of,
I was hitting a different season.
But we all have these different seasons that I like that I think can invite an awakening.
Right.
Because we're transitioning to something we've never done before or been a place we've never been before.
And so we can awaken to something pretty magical instead of kind of like a resign or a dread,
right?
Or confusion or lost,
however you wanna name that.
But I just think I love how you viewed it as an awakening because I think that can happen at any age.
I love that you call it that same thing as well because like that's,
that's kind of what keeps us humans like progressing is having those moments of what we may feel like idleness or the transformation or like the in between some people are like,
well,
I'm in a weird in between phase right now.
I'm like,
that's so awesome for you.
Like,
what are you learning?
What are you figuring out?
Like,
how are you taking the experiences that you're having in these moments to um kind of transform into those next coming chapters that you have?
And it's wonderful to use it as a place or a way to be empowered instead of disempowered.
Right.
It's just such a different energy from viewing it as a place of awakening.
There's so many possibilities from a place like that.
Right.
Right.
And I think as coaches,
it's easy for us to kind of say that and be like,
oh,
yeah,
we just have to shift our mindset about it and yet at the same time,
like it's,
it really is sometimes just that being ok.
Well,
what am I refocusing on or what am I pivoting towards?
Um because that's really where the excitement comes from is it has to come from inside of yourself of saying,
OK,
this is new,
this is something that there's something scary on the horizon or there's nothing on the horizon.
Um And I want to make the most out of it and it's not gonna be an everyday thing,
maybe of like you have to put in a ton of energy um to have this transformation happen,
but it's slowly gonna be evolving within you.
And I think if we just break that open more and more,
it's going to be vulnerable,
but it's gonna be worth that process.
Yeah,
so beautiful.
And something came to me as you were saying that sometimes I think with,
with any age,
but especially I see it with people your age is the uncertainty can,
can be scary too,
right?
Because you're at this,
this kind of this place in your life where it's not all necessarily laid out for you.
Right.
Like you're going to school and that part is in your life but,
like,
where you're gonna end up,
end up or exactly what profession you're gonna choose and maybe who you're going to marry and how many kids you have.
Like,
that's still unknown.
And I think sometimes that can feel,
um,
uncomfortable too and feel we can feel afraid in that space.
But when we can 100% right,
when we can shift our perspective to the that there's,
that isn't,
doesn't necessarily have to be a scary place.
And I think some of that uncertainty can also just come from,
I mean,
yes,
we think we have this laid out path.
But then if we are somehow,
somehow I say with air coats because let's be real.
We're all not on that perfect path in some way,
shape or form.
And yet like we so see each other as well,
we have to be on this path.
And if I'm doing something that's different,
that's not aligned with what my peers are doing,
that's uncertain because that's even more scary because I'm not going with the flow.
Um And again,
like that takes a lot of mental work to try and shift that position too of like,
OK,
I'm creating and making my own path and I don't have to stick to what maybe my peers are doing in school if I just want to drop out or yes,
I'm not married yet and I'm only 24 or something.
Right.
Right.
Right.
It doesn't mean that like the uncertainty,
it can be so exciting and it doesn't necessarily mean you're on the wrong path because there is no wrong path now.
And really,
I think that sometimes we,
we wait for the certain certainty to be excited.
Like if I just knew da,
da,
da,
da da,
then I could feel good or I could feel happy.
Right.
And so when we can,
like you said,
shift our focus and like it really is just an adventure.
This whole earthly experience is one big adventure because even people my age have uncertainty,
every person on the planet has uncertainty because guess what?
We don't know when we leave this earth.
Right?
So uncertainty is,
is part of the human experience too.
So it's something we don't necessarily have to be afraid of and anyway and resist.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Because that resist,
resistance is,
I don't wanna say a waste of energy because that sounds really brutal.
But at the same time,
like that's a lot of energy that you're pushing and pushing and pushing with that is going in a direction that's not directed at anything versus like having it.
OK.
This is uncertain.
Like I don't know if I'm going to get into my program in the fall or I don't know where my kids are going to go to college next year.
We're going from an,
I don't wanna say adult because I'm an adult too.
But like an old,
yes,
an older perspective.
I don't know where my college students can go if he wants to go to college or if he's going to go on a mission.
But that uncertainty is just time for us to discover and,
like rediscover who we are,
what we're becoming and how we view other people or how we're viewing our life path at that moment.
It doesn't necessarily mean that there's something like wrong.
Yeah.
And I had this thought come to me like the becoming happens in the uncertainty,
don't you think?
Like in that space?
That's where we tap into things that help us develop and grow.
It's like when we're certain,
I don't know that there's a lot of growth that happens there.
I mean,
it feels better for sure.
And I think there's times for that that's like it's not necessarily wrong that we're in a place of certainty.
But maybe if we can embrace some of that,
the uncertainty and what comes in that timing or that space is that that growth and becoming can happen there?
I think about like showing up for a client session and having a client,
like you,
you,
you picture them as like a whole and resourceful human being and in that way,
like when we see that you guys are uncertain like in our sessions or here,
I don't know,
like that's just an in like an instinctual for me is like,
ok,
well,
we're gonna tap into what you have inside of yourself,
like you are resourceful,
you know,
what's gonna work best in your life?
That is that time that we as coaches are like,
ok,
let's get them engaged and thinking about the actions and reactions that they're having in their life.
And that was just the thought that I had of like,
wow,
uncertainty means that we're resourceful.
That's when we really get to activate that kind of skill inside of ourselves.
Well,
what do I want to do?
Right.
COVID happened.
I was,
I didn't want to go to college.
I said,
you know what I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna try something crazy.
I'm going to get certified as a life coach and look where it's gotten me like that was uncertainty for me.
And yet that has ended up to be one of the biggest things,
beautiful thing.
So beauty comes from the uncertainty many times.
OK,
I gotta write that down.
Um That's actually so interesting.
I know we're not really on the topic that we kind of talked about in the beginning,
but I just think I was so interesting because this last Sunday,
I was actually able to bear my testimony and I made the comment about how um I just recently went to the temple to receive my endowments.
And I had made this stupid joke to my friend and said,
I thought going through the temple was going to make my life easier.
And she kind of laughed and said,
I don't know who told you that,
but that's not true.
And as I was bearing my testimony on Sunday,
I kind of was stuck.
But then I realized the gospel doesn't make my life easier,
but it makes it more beautiful.
And I think about that in comparison with the uncertainty because we do have that rod to hold on to,
with the gospel and it's not going to make it necessarily easier to get through.
We're not going to know exactly where we're supposed to step next.
But because we have the gospel and because we have this uncertainty in these moments to pick and choose where we want to refocus our energies,
we can really decide how to create and make our life beautiful and what we want to be the use of the gospel.
Obviously,
I love that.
I love that.
Yeah,
it provides an opportunity to refocus and to awaken right to what we know within us.
So I love that.
So,
so we've talked about some pretty cool stuff.
Let's um so you work with young adults,
you said,
and,
and young women that are kind of struggling to,
to kind of figure out who they are and where they want to go,
what do you see in the clients that you're working with?
What do they struggle the most with,
do you find?
Yeah,
as of recently,
um I kind of I work a lot with like the health and wellness industry just because a lot of my clients,
my niche is disordered,
eating and eating disorders.
Um,
and so I got a lot of people who are struggling with perfectionism.
Um,
and I've,
I talk about perfectionism all the time and with like,
dichotomous thinking of like the extremes.
And as I was thinking about coming on and talking about that,
I was actually like,
no,
you know what I think we should focus on is the word discipline because I've had like,
one or two people come up to me and as a life coach,
they see me as someone credible,
um which is kind of funny,
but they come up to me and they say,
how do you create more discipline or like,
I would have the life that I wanted if only if I had this much more discipline.
And we see that a lot in the health industry too of,
well,
you have to be disciplined and consistent and effective with your goals.
Um And this kind of buzzword that's thrown around so often is the word disciplined as it as if it's like a magic key to all of a sudden unlocking a life that you um that you want,
that you want to create that it's like your dream.
And so I wanted to come onto this podcast and have a discussion about that word because it's thrown around all the time.
And yet I think it's misused and it's sometimes used in our brains against ourselves.
It's like,
well,
if I only had more discipline,
it's like,
well,
what does that even mean?
Like what?
Yeah.
Who decided that discipline meant that I have to write eight hours a day and go to the gym three times a day and,
you know,
like all of these really rigorous and kind of perfectionistic standards that we tell ourselves that we need to have,
that will unlock this life that we have been dreaming about.
Um And yet we're all searching for more discipline.
And so why have we not found it yet?
Yeah.
Oh,
I love that.
This is such a good thing because I think no matter the age,
you will hear women say if I was just more disciplined,
right?
And it's like we use it as a measuring stick to,
to give us,
make us feel better or like we're doing a better job or,
you know,
we're getting it right.
If you know,
if we've tapped into that magic discipline,
whatever that really is,
right,
then,
then we'll be successful,
then we'll get what we want.
Right?
And again,
I think it's that,
yeah,
it ties into that perfectionism that you are saying.
But then it also is,
it's so disempowering because we are using it as a way to value ourselves and,
and somehow we're measuring us against this idea,
a subjective idea of what discipline is.
Yeah.
Right.
Because in reality,
like,
discipline in my life is gonna look so different than discipline in someone else's life.
Yeah.
And so there's no way that I can be,
like,
well,
I don't have discipline because I don't,
you know,
go to a job from 9 to 5 every day or I don't have discipline because I'm not doing XY and Z it's like,
why are we holding this to ourselves and saying that this is something that we need in our lives when we don't even know what it would look like or what it means to us in our lives,
or we don't accept that label for ourselves because I think sometimes we do that.
We love these words.
We're like,
ah,
discipline.
That sounds so nice and pretty.
But I'm never gonna put it on my name tag and say,
oh,
I'm disciplined.
Um,
which I think is such a,
a,
such a loss because I think,
I mean,
you know,
thought work like,
you know,
that we become,
we are what we think.
Um,
and yet at the same time,
like,
if I'm always thinking,
oh,
I'm not disciplined.
Oh,
I'm not disciplined.
But I'm never gonna be able to develop that because I'm never gonna see it pop up in my life.
I'm never gonna magnify it in my life and I'm never gonna actually take it on myself and say,
oh,
wait in this area,
I am disciplined and I'm proud of that.
Mhm.
Yeah.
And I think,
don't you think it kind of goes back to,
let's define it,
let's define discipline and why we want it?
Like,
I think you have to start there,
right?
Because if our,
why is because then I'll feel better about myself or I'll be a better person or people will view me as better,
right?
I,
like we want to really check that.
We wanna check.
What's the why behind this abstract idea of discipline?
And what do we even mean by discipline?
Is it following through with the commitments we have with ourselves?
Ok.
Let's look at that.
But I think we,
like you said,
I think we must use it as a way to force ourselves to do better.
Right.
Right.
Like I have to be disciplined and if I am then I'll be better.
But it's again that,
that view,
that mindset of having to be a certain way or behave a certain way because we'll be better,
doesn't really inspire like,
right.
And the way you said it was like,
and I've heard people say that,
well,
if I was just disciplined,
right?
There's so much like resignation there and so much shame there.
And it's almost,
it's almost a scapegoat too.
Like I only had discipline.
I could do that.
But guess what?
I don't.
So,
so bummer,
I'm the loser that I am or whatever we're accepting.
That kind of like,
well,
I'm not good enough.
So that's our brains keeping us kind of stuck in that hole.
Yeah,
that's such a good.
Um,
I,
I love this topic because I think it,
again,
it can apply to anyone.
And so,
so again,
yeah,
let's talk about like,
what does discipline even mean?
How can we shift that focus?
I love,
like,
your definition of discipline being like following through,
on commitments,
um,
or like following through on,
maybe even,
like,
substituting,
like your word in there.
Uh because I think sometimes,
especially like having a viewpoint of like the health and fitness industry,
I think of discipline as like getting done,
what needs to get done.
Um But again,
that's so subjective of like,
I would have to go in and look at that and say,
well,
what has to get done?
Really?
Um And I think as life coaches,
we're almost like linguists because we just pick up on these little words and we say,
oh,
we need to define those and yet it's so true because all of a sudden you're,
you're kind of gonna start to realize your values.
And I do this with my clients a lot of like,
bring into their awareness,
the word that they're using and be like,
well,
what does that mean to you?
Um And then as soon as they kind of become aware of that,
pull them into that question of saying like,
well,
where does this already pop up in your life?
Because whether they know it or not,
it already probably is in their life somewhere.
And as long as we can give ourselves like a little bit of credit for what you're,
we're already doing to be quote unquote,
like,
disciplined,
whatever that may be like following through our commitments.
It meant I picked up the phone call when I said I wasn't going to,
even though I know my friend want to go to lunch with me or just following through on like the smallest things that can be that can count as discipline.
It doesn't have to be these grandiose um examples.
And yet we sometimes just peg it as someone else's definition of like,
oh,
well,
discipline would be,
you know,
really hard working and I'm not a hard worker.
Um And yet we can pull into our perspective.
What are,
is it changes everything because then all of a sudden we're personifying it and we know where that comes up in our lives already and we can try to then magnify those and become more intentional about creating those moments where we are like,
oh,
I said I was going to follow through on what?
On my commitments?
And so guess what?
Like I'm gonna hop on a call with three other people this week because I said I was going to and that's my goal.
Yeah.
Yeah,
I love that.
And I think that it's um meeting us where we are too.
I think that is included in this because sometimes we,
we view discipline is like,
especially at a new year,
right?
Like these goals and all these things we wanna,
like,
we want to transform ourselves.
And for many of us,
especially my age,
they're the same goals that we've had forever and ever.
And we just,
you know,
we got to be more disciplined to do this,
do it again.
Right.
And so it's,
it's meeting ourselves where we are.
So if 10 goals,
we're trying to be disciplined in these 10 things that kind of stretch us,
right?
And we have this expectation that if we do them perfectly,
then we're disciplined.
Right.
Right.
And so it's like maybe meet yourself where you are,
what would it look like if you focused on one thing?
And it isn't necessarily about perfection.
It's like,
can we get 80% and then celebrate that?
Can that be enough?
Yeah,
for sure.
I think part of that is going back,
we call,
I call it like a PB check of like the purpose and the benefit um where you kind of ask yourself like,
what purpose is this goal going to have in my life?
And like,
what benefit would that bring into my life?
And in that way,
I mean,
you kind of touched on it earlier was when we kind of get down and define like,
why,
why we want that goal in our life?
Like why do we want more discipline in our life?
Where is it going to be beneficial,
like,
where is it going to add purpose and meaning and hope and if it's going to be beneficial in our lives,
period,
um,
I think that's sometimes that we just kind of skip over that part and we're like,
oh,
well,
it's good to have a goal about,
you know,
my weight or it's good to have a goal about making money this year.
And it's like,
yeah,
why?
Because once we kind of uncover those,
we get to that motivation.
Um And we could do a whole other podcast on that one as well because I do have a lot of people who come in and are like,
I just need motivation.
I'm like,
oh my God,
let's talk about this word now too.
I think these are,
are sister,
sister words,
right?
Um Discipline,
motivation and productivity.
I think those three are,
are a false.
We get a false sense of value from those,
those ideas or those words,
like if we're doing it right,
we were more motiva motivated.
If we were more productive.
If we were more disciplined,
then we worth.
Right.
Right.
And that's so interesting that we use those three all against ourselves every time.
It's never a compliment.
Right.
It's like,
have you ever heard anyone say I'm just so motivated or it's hard to come by or like I was so productive today.
I mean,
even yesterday,
I was like,
I did nothing productive today,
but I think that there are times when we do say,
oh,
I was so productive but we use it as a way to,
like,
lift ourselves.
Right.
Or to put our word like,
oh,
because I was productive today.
I closed out the day on a good note.
Or like,
that was a good day.
And where it's like,
no,
its,
its as something,
I mean,
it does count as something but at the same time,
like that doesn't necessarily mean anything about our worth or the value of the day.
Yeah.
And I think that's at the end of this,
that is the key is if we are making our worth and value connected or a reflection of what we view discipline or productivity or motivation to be,
we want to look at that.
Right.
Right.
And I think that's where the problem comes is when our value is tied to that.
So the more of those things we are,
the more we are.
But in reality,
we're always here,
we're always enough.
We're always of worth,
we're always great and amazing human beings because God created us.
It actually has nothing to do with us.
And so I think that when we can get to that place,
which is not always easy,
right?
But when we can start separating that,
that identity with those things,
then we have a better ability to actually start moving in the direction we want.
Oh,
for sure.
Right.
Yeah,
I love that.
So how do you help?
I loved how you said the PB check up.
I,
I love that purpose and benefit like that is so cool because it's like if you can find its purpose and how it's gonna help you be your best,
not increase your worth,
but increase your life,
like create a life you want.
Right?
Like there's your,
there's your motivation,
right?
Well,
it's these clients that come in and they,
they have a reason for wanting to do something or needing to change something.
And they're like,
well,
I know I need to have this and like,
I love that it's a PB check.
Like the end is a benefit check because really we're all trying to just create our lives like 1% better every single day,
we're all trying to become better humans,
just better.
1%.
It's never like anyone wants,
you know,
like a what would be like a purpose and unbefitting check of like,
oh,
I want to make sure this is decreasing the like the experience of my life.
It's like,
no,
we want to make sure that we're continually cultivating things that are adding benefit to our lives.
And again,
that,
that,
that comes down to like having those realizations of like,
OK,
what purpose is this gonna serve in my life?
And what is the benefit of either succeeding in this or having this in play?
Yeah.
And that's so individual and that's a beautiful thing like it doesn't,
it doesn't depend on anybody else's opinion or anything.
It's all personal.
Your,
your purpose and benefit is gonna look totally different than someone else's.
Right.
Even if you have somewhat similar goals.
I mean,
I think that's why the New Year is all exciting and there's so much buzz around it.
It's just because everyone kind of wants to set new goals because it seems like a turning point.
Right.
We're kind of forced into that,
like awakening moment of like,
oh,
it's 20 for 24.
I hope you're ready to be refocused.
And it's like,
whoa,
yeah,
which is why I really give credit to the people who you can just do that.
Like mid mid February.
I love those people who kind of are like,
well,
my new year is usually in spring because that's when I find that my mental health is better so that I can do those goals that I want to set a college.
And again,
it does come back to like,
also making sure that you have a balance of if I'm going to set 10 goals,
is that realistic?
Because they all might have purpose and benefit in your life.
But you can't,
you can't overwork yourself like that.
You can't focus that many because again,
you're going to take that word discipline and you're going to try to stretch it out and try to input it into these different goals that already don't have a space in your life at the current moment.
And it's like you've got to pick your priorities and understand which ones will benefit you the most to help you be building blocks for the next ones that you're going to change.
Yes.
And I often,
and you probably do similar,
like when I work with clients,
we talk about the gps,
right?
We look at where we are the current location and where we want to go and sometimes we're so focused on where we want to go.
We want to hurry and jump there,
right?
Or we're where we are and we see this big gap.
And so then I think that's where that tendency to go.
If I was just more disciplined,
then I would be here already,
right?
It feels like a race or something.
But that's the thing is like to get where we have to,
where we want to go,
where we desire to go requires that our current location.
A gps does not work without a current location.
And then it maps out a route,
right?
And so every goal or everything that you're trying to progress to is one spot on the route.
We aren't actually,
we,
we don't jump to the destination,
we move through the route and it bends and curves and climbs and descends and right.
It's like it's,
it's an adventure.
And so I think if we can do it that way,
like,
you know,
if we simplify it and go,
you know what's 1 to 3 things that I wanna focus on that's gonna get me to this part in my route,
route.
And,
right,
and then here's a few more once I've kind of got a handle on these.
What can I add?
Right.
But never running faster than,
than we're able.
I think that's a good analogy too,
just in the sense that,
I mean,
we,
we can take a wrong turn and if we get mad of ourselves and say,
oh my gosh.
Well,
this is just a disaster.
Now,
I might as well take,
you know,
do a victory lap or something and take a loop and then make it back to my route.
Like that's,
that's not discipline in that area.
But also we don't give ourselves the,
the chance to kind of reroute and be like,
oh,
wait,
this is an hour of refocus of where I'm gonna end up and this gps is gonna reroute myself and I might get there one minute later.
But guess what,
I'm still getting there and it's not gonna change that destination.
It's just gonna change the way that it looks to get there.
And the route is what it's all about.
Like,
sometimes I think we lose sight of why we're here.
Mhm.
It,
like,
I think there's a lot of,
and to go back to your idea of perfectionism.
Right.
Like,
I think sometimes we think we're supposed to get it all right.
Right.
You know,
we're up in heaven and our heavenly parents are saying,
yeah,
we're gonna send you on vacation.
I don't think they said that.
They said we're gonna send you to this experience.
It's gonna be hard and messy and that's why we have a savior is because you're going to have to reroute all the time.
But that rerouting,
there's beauty there.
And again,
it's,
that uncertainty,
it goes along the same lines.
Right.
It's like there's beauty wherever we are in the route,
if we'll look for it.
And,
and that's why we're here.
It's,
it's,
it's experiencing the route,
right?
And I think it's easy to think of repentance in this process too with discipline because I think of,
um,
even Jesus Christ with the adulterous woman,
you know,
he,
he said go and sin no more.
Um And I think we kind of gloss over that last phrase,
like really quickly because he was not expecting her to go and not sin ever again.
Like that would be unreasonable for him to ask us of that.
Like he wouldn't,
he wouldn't say that to us.
He wouldn't say be you perfect right now.
He's saying no,
be you perfect with the mortal experience that you are gaining.
Um And that's the beauty beauty of the,
our redeemer and our savior,
Jesus Christ is through him.
We can kind of find where maybe we need to be more like him in the regard that we aren't perfect,
but he will make us perfect.
Yeah,
he's always on the,
he's always in the car with us,
right?
Trying to help us find the recalibrate,
right?
But I've talked about this on my podcast before too.
And the idea of repentance and I think it applies really well with this conversation too is sometimes we do view repentance as just quit sinning,
right?
Being better.
And I actually have expanded my view of that.
And in the Bible dictionary,
it says it's a fresh view about God of oneself and of the world and a change of heart,
which is a change of focus,
right?
And so it's like,
as we continually change our view,
like get a better view and an eternal perspective or,
you know,
turn to him to help us see,
um,
we're going,
that's along the way,
like more understanding,
more growing,
developing,
that's repentance,
right?
Oh,
I love that because that just sparks right back to the conversation that at hand of discipline and everything of like,
well,
I,
I wanna urge people like who are listening to this.
Um,
like then if that's what you're struggling with,
if there's another buzzword that you're struggling with of like,
oh,
I just can't be mindful or I'm not,
you know,
I'm not perfect.
Sit down and define that word like we talked about this.
And really those are these experiences where you might think,
you know,
exactly what's going on,
but we have no idea how it's going to look in an internal perspective or even just from someone else's outside um,
perspective and like that can take a whole different shift.
And as long as we understand the meanings that we're coming in with,
it will make it so much easier on the backside to realize.
Is that really what I need is that really going to be beneficial?
Is this really what the savior wanted me to learn from this experience?
Is this really what this experience is for?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And just re refocusing,
reawakening,
right?
I think it's,
it's just,
yeah,
it's part of the journey,
right?
Sometimes we think we just put our heads down and hurry and get there and it's like,
no,
let's look out the windows,
let's appreciate the views.
Let's let's let's enjoy the vistas and,
and even the climb,
right?
Like it's all part of the process.
But I love that like just slowing down and really understanding what we're making something mean or what it means to us and how is that impacting how we're,
what we're doing in our life?
And if we can fine tune those definitions to what they really mean to us that help us find our purpose and our benefit,
right?
Like that,
that,
that's so key.
We really have to come to know ourselves,
right?
That we,
I think you're in that process,
you have to start giving yourself credit too for where you've come from and what you've been given and what you're creating already.
And I think that is something that I notice a lot in people too,
they'll come and they'll say like,
oh,
I'm not disciplined enough to do this.
And I'm like,
well,
what have you been disciplined enough to do?
And they're like,
oh,
well,
I guess I did this and this and this.
How,
how does that impact?
Yeah.
Like,
yes,
let's pull in those experiences as examples of discipline.
But more importantly,
let's give ourselves a little bit of credit before we start trying to cut ourselves down at the knees and make it 10 times harder for us to crawl out of that pit of saying I'm not motivated.
I'm not disciplined.
I'm not productive.
Yeah,
I love that.
Yeah.
Celebrate.
I love that.
Like I have my last,
my 100th episode is coming out in a few weeks and I'm so excited.
That's huge.
It's all about celebrating.
I think we need,
I think that's such a valid point is like,
let's slow down and like,
give ourselves credit and celebrate the good we are and the good we do and just relish in that.
That doesn't mean we don't wanna progress.
But it's like,
let's not just throw out everything out the window for discipline.
Let's celebrate and work,
honoring our commitments.
Let's hold both.
I think that's beautiful.
I really like that idea of holding both because I think sometimes again,
it's going back to that perfectionism it's going back to that very dichotomous thinking of like,
well,
if I'm this,
then I'm not that or it's black or it's white,
it's,
it's so imperative,
I think in our life to learn that we can be both.
Like I can have discipline and I can be unproductive or I can be productive and I can be undisciplined.
And again,
going back to those like sister words,
like you said,
like we,
we cherish those and we hold those above our head more often than not.
We,
we,
we,
we flaunt them almost in a way.
And yet at the same time,
that's not our worth.
That's not the whole experience here on this life.
And we can have both of those experiences and still keep working on things.
At the same time,
I don't want this podcast to be something where someone's listening and it was like,
well,
I don't actually need discipline or like,
I don't actually know what discipline means to me.
So it doesn't apply because I think discipline is keeping committed and persevering and those are gospel Christ like attributes that we want to develop and that we want to continually work on.
Um And yet to be so strict on ourselves or to continually labor ourselves,
label ourselves as the opposite is only like degrading or making our purpose seem small and inconsistent or inconsiderate in size of what we're trying to achieve.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So beautiful.
So if there's one thing that you wanna leave with listeners no matter their age.
But something that you find helpful with your clients that,
that you just want,
like they could begin today doing to help them maybe work towards more discipline if they want or,
but just kind of what you s something that would help them kind of move towards where they wanna be instead of beating themselves up.
Yeah,
I love that.
And I,
I think that's something that I do with my clients.
Like right off the bat is I make them tell me like soul values or things that they value.
And these are user usually like I pull up the Brene Brown like character attribute list because I'm a big fan of Berne Brown.
Here is one of these.
I would cry.
But yeah,
I pull up those and I ask them and I say,
what are things that you have noticed,
like common themes in your life or values that you want to hold in your life?
And it can be like,
I wanna be more disciplined or I,
I value connection and I value family.
I had um I have a client who she values tradition because she's half someone.
And so she loves that.
And I ask my clients and II I usually prod my friends too wanting them to tell me what they value in their life.
Um And if they don't have a list,
like to start one and then to put those somewhere that you can see it either every day or that you can reflect on continually.
Um,
because what's my biggest fun as a coach is I have those for each of my clients,
the next session that they come in and I usually put them in on a sticky note on every single note page I take for them.
And I can pull those out in session and say,
well,
oh,
like maybe your,
your discomfort is coming because you're having friction against your value of connection.
You know,
like someone is mean to you and that rubs that value in a wrong way or oh my gosh,
like when you are talking about like how pretty or like how much painting is like a benefit to you?
Like that's,
that's your value of having like an aesthetic life.
Um And II,
I really love it when people know what they find valuable because I think the more you see it in your life that it's gonna appear right.
And even if it's just like,
I value discipline actually like following through on commitments,
like that's something that I want to begin to embody if I put that down on a sticky note or,
you know,
on my note page or I'm journaling about it.
And I'm like,
where was I disciplined today?
Then it's gonna become more fruitful in my life.
And that's the beautiful thing about experience is the more that you notice these things like the more that it's gonna happen.
And I,
I think that's where manifestation kind of gets like thrown around nowadays.
And yet it's so true because I,
I know God,
if I say to God,
God,
I love love.
Like I wanna focus on being a love and compassionate human being.
He's gonna give me experiences and examples and situations where I can express that because that's a value I have and it,
it's a Christ like attribute and something that is doing more good in the world.
He's gonna let me keep experiencing that because it's valuable to me and it's more valuable to him.
Yeah,
I love that.
I think that's so beautiful.
I love value work too.
I just think when we take the time to know what's important to us,
we can create it exactly as you said.
So I,
and you kind of have to define it.
I feel like we're kind of forcing you.
I'm,
I'm over here trying to get you to do like two words with one stone because when you sit down and you're like,
I value tradition.
You're like,
is that actually me?
Yeah,
I'm actually just trying to get you to define the words that we want.
Well,
because then like you,
you gave a really good example is because then we can see where we're struggling,
right?
Because if this value is important to me and then we're bumping up against something that's different than that.
It makes sense that that's a struggle within us and how now what,
how do we want to move forward?
Understanding that,
how can we use that to our benefit?
So I love that.
I think that's such a good advice.
Just start listing um values that are important to you and then start noticing,
pay attention where they should,
you could even flip it,
like start with something that's really,
that upsets you because I think sometimes that's where you find your value is when you're like,
oh my gosh,
I had this situation happen where I felt belittled and it's like,
wait,
oh,
I value when I'm seen and heard and listened to and then it's like,
wait,
that's something that I value,
I value being seen and heard and listened to.
It's like I'm uncomfortable or it really,
I,
I love the word friction because I think that's as close as we're going to get to something like that because it's more of a,
more of that kind of like energy work of.
Ok,
this is something that's unsettling to me and yet I don't know why.
And of course,
like we want to say,
well,
what's the thought behind it?
But it can just be that feeling of what's that feeling?
What's coming up for you?
Like,
why do you think that's uncomfortable for you to experience?
Yeah,
I love that.
I love that.
That's exactly how I found.
Like connection is really important and I discovered it because of the opposite,
the,
the con you know,
some conflict and disconnection that was happening in a relationship and it was like,
oh because it connections so important to me.
That's why this is hard,
right?
So there is a lot we can learn from that.
So,
so,
so good.
Oh my heck,
I could talk to you forever.
I know.
I really love this.
This was so fun.
Jill.
Thank you for having me so much.
You are so wise for a 23 year old.
I'm gonna tell you that so wise and you are gonna bless so many people's lives.
I just,
I love that you are out there doing the work.
So thank you so much for,
for doing the work.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I'm really trying.
So your people need you.
They really do.
So how can people find you?
So you can find me on Instagram?
That's how I say it pretty relevant with people my age.
Um You don't just have to be 23 to follow me though.
Please don't think that.
Um and it's coaching by Clarice and I try to keep the content to be separated from like general life coaching advice to specific to disordered eating.
Um And so it kind of falls into two groups and if you're just bored,
you can scroll and see some cheesy reels.
Um But you can also find me.
I have a page called Balanced Recovery dot Coach.
Um and that's kind of,
I put my more of my story up there and resources to how to find me.
And then if you want to connect with me and just hop on a console call,
call,
I also just love talking with people for hours,
but for 30 minutes,
you can hop on a console call with me and we can see if we're a good vibe.
Awesome,
so good.
Thank you,
Clarice.
Thank you so much for listening.
If you like what you hear,
I would love it if you would share it with your friends and family and leave me a rating and review.
If you'd like to learn more about what life coaching is,
please schedule a free discovery call with me where we can work together through something that's causing you a problem.
Just go to my website Seasons coaching.com and you can also find information about my Seasons of Joy,
one on one coaching program and my Seasons of Joy community have a joyful week and I'll see you next time.
