Episode 47 - There is No Wagon
Episode 47 - There is No Wagon
Welcome to the Seasons of Joy Podcast.
This is episode 47 entitled There is No Wagon.
We have probably all heard the phrase, ‘Falling off the wagon’.
We have all probably said it one time or another.
I have wanted to do a podcast on this because I think this is a belief that doesn’t serve us at all.
In early America, there were water wagons or carts that would sprinkle water on the streets to keep the dust down.
During the times of Prohibition in the 19th century, men would often climb onto these wagons and take an oath that they would quit alcohol and only drink water. So then the expression ‘to be on the water cart/wagon’ became popular. As time went on it was shortened to ‘on the wagon.’
When a person broke their pledge and started drinking alcohol again, it was said that they had ‘fallen off the wagon’.
Over the years, ‘falling off the wagon’ basically means that someone goes back to a behavior they are trying to change.
They created a plan or a goal but they haven't been able to stick to it so they believe they have failed.
In modern times, we have all kinds of wagons.
We have exercise wagons, financial wagons, diet wagons, or any change of behavior wagons.
I even talked about IMPACT Goals in January.
So, you may even say there are IMPACT wagons.
Did you know that ⅔ of people have quit their goals by the beginning of February every year.
The number one reason they have failed is because they think that failure isn’t an option.
But I want you to listen carefully to what I am about to say.
There are no wagons.
There are no wagons to fall off of.
So, failure is not only an option but is actually necessary in accomplishing our goals.
What if instead, we replace the word ‘learn’ for the word ‘fail’.
The idea that we have ‘fallen off the wagon’ reinforces the idea that we are not doing enough or being enough or that there is something wrong with us that needs to be fixed.
Holding on to the false belief that perfection is even possible.
Because if we were capable enough, smart enough or good enough we should be able to stay ‘on the wagon’. Right?
Wrong.
The truth is, it doesn’t somehow make us more valuable or more worthy than we already are when we reach our desired outcomes perfectly.
Our goals set the direction we face and then invite opportunities for us to experience growth, learning and becoming along our journey.
You could never set a goal and still be worthy, valuable, and amazing as you.
Staying on some imaginary wagon does not define you.
Then, why even set goals?
I have spoken to this before…for the experience of it, for the fun of it, for opportunity to become a better version of yourself.
Imagine when your children were learning to walk.
They didn’t just decide one day to walk and then they suddenly walked.
No. They tested the waters.
In the beginning they would use whatever they could find, like furniture, to hold themselves up.
Then they would start walking around the furniture.
Then they would hold your hand as they practiced walking across the room.
Then they would take a few steps on their own before falling to the ground.
They didn’t believe that failing wasn’t an option.
You didn’t scold them or call them a failure because they fell down.
You understood that falling was part of the journey.
Falling and getting back up over and over again.
And then pretty soon they were running.
Falling or failing was actually necessary for them to really learn how to walk.
Did we love them any more because they learned to walk?
Of course not, we loved them unconditionally through the process of learning not matter how long it took.
And honestly, our love wouldn’t have changed for them if they never learned to walk.
I think of my dear friend who raised her beautiful daughter who never walked or talked.
She was confined to a wheelchair for over 30 years.
Did my friend love her daughter any less because she couldn’t do the things that other children could do?
Of course not.
She didn’t judge her or belittle her.
She loved and cared for that beautiful soul with all of her heart while she was on this earth.
We too need to love ourselves through our earthly journey.
There is no wagon.
There is no wagon to fall off of, so there is no wagon to climb back on.
I read this somewhere recently, “When someone says they ‘have fallen off the wagon’ it isn’t so much an admission of guilt as it is a request for punishment.”
Isn’t that interesting to think about.
Believing we have done something wrong so we need to pay the price.
The currency we pay is often one of shame.
Reviewing in our mind how we failed.
Belittling our efforts.
Speaking down to ourselves.
Behaviors we wouldn’t do to anyone else.
Let me repeat.
There is no wagon.
There is only living.
Everyday we live, some days our goals go according to plan and other days they are as simple as that.
Some days you care for yourself better than other days.
Some days you do things a certain way.
Some days you do it a different way.
We are all living and having this human experience doing the best we can with what we have.
We pick ourselves up and continue on living.
One way I continually remind myself of this is to give myself a high five each day.
You may have heard of it.
This is something that Mel Robbins teaches in her book, The High Five Habit.
Mel shares the science behind the positive effects of giving high fives.
When we give high fives, we are usually doing it as a result of something positive like winning a game.
With repeated patterns of positive association the brain releases endorphins that cause us to feel good when we do a high five.
Basically, Mel Robbins teaches it like this.
At some point in your day, look at yourself in the mirror.
Look in your eyes.
Really see yourself.
Bring your hand up to the mirror and give yourself a high five.
No words even need to be spoken but you can.
The high five sends a message to you.
“I see you.”
“You’ve got this.”
“I believe in you.”
By doing this, we can actually rewire our brains on how we think of ourselves.
We can create courage and confidence within ourselves to keep going, to keep trying from a place of love and empowerment instead of looking outside of ourselves for validation.
It sounds too simple, right?
I love this quote from Mel Robbins.
“Feeling supported and loved is the most motivating force on the planet,” then comparing the feeling to a marathon runner getting a high five from a spectator, she says, “What keeps them going is knowing they’re being celebrated and cheered for. It affirms and fulfills our deepest need, which is to be seen, heard, and celebrated. A high five is a transfer of energy. When times get hard, developing habits of celebrating and cheering for yourself can be huge. It’s impossible to think ‘I suck’ when you give one to yourself.”
I try to do this one small simple habit everyday.
I really have come to believe that life is not meant to be perfect. We are not meant to be perfect in this life. Life is a classroom where we are meant to learn and grow and become. This includes falling down, making mistakes, and messing up. But it also includes getting back up and cheering each other on as fellow travelers on this journey.
We have one life we are living and we get to choose how we experience it.
There is no wagon.
There is only life.
Thank you for listening and have a joyful week!
