Episode 54 - The Talk I Wish I’d Given
Episode 54 - The Talk I Wish I’d Given
Hello, friends!
Welcome to the Seasons of Joy Podcast.
This is episode 54 entitled The Talk I Wish I Had Given.
Before we begin, I just want to invite you to my open coaching tonight at 7 pm MDT in the Seasons of Joy Community facebook group. If you are curious about coaching and what it is like this is a perfect way to get a glimpse of it. Just click on the link found in the show notes.
So again, this is episode 54 entitled The Talk I Wish I’d Given.
I know that sounds like a silly title for a podcast episode. I will explain it in a minute.
This episode is dedicated to the women of the Mendon 1st Ward Relief Society.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I want to give you a little background.
In our church, we don’t have a paid clergy. All of the leaders are all volunteers. We have different organizations within the church for men, youth, children and women. The women’s organization is called the Relief Society. It was organized on March 17, 1842. I believe that it is the oldest and largest women's organization in the world.
Each local congregation, which is called a ward, has its own Relief Society. The women of that congregation meet together on certain Sundays to have spiritual lessons. They also gather together at other times to have what are called Relief Society meetings. These meetings are varied and are meant to strengthen the sisters . The women may gather to learn a skill, to create and craft, or perform service for others. These meetings are an opportunity to connect with the women in their local congregation as sisters in the gospel.
Many times, the women of the congregation will gather together to celebrate the organization of the relief society. It is a birthday party in a sense. In my experience, this party has dinner, themed decorations and a program of some kind. It is an opportunity to connect and celebrate this beautiful organization, Relief Society.
As luck would have it, I was asked to speak at another ward’s relief society’s birthday party this month. I was so excited because I love to present and speak to groups. I was asked a couple of months in advance with the theme based on the book by Dr. Suess, Oh, The Places You’ll GO! I got the book and began planning what I wanted to say.
The day of the event arrived and I felt ready. When I walked into the room, I couldn’t believe it. It was decorated with Dr. Seuss books, stuffed characters from his books, colorful balloons, and yellow tablecloths. It was absolutely adorable and it was obvious that the people in charge had worked so hard to put this all together.
That is one thing I love about my church. It is all volunteer. People donate their time and talents not for any compensation but for the benefit of others. It is truly inspiring.
When it was my turn, I gave my talk. The only way I can describe it is that I felt like it went over like a lead balloon. The first part went pretty well but then I felt like it just took a nosedive. As I moved through my presentation, I felt more and more disconnected from the audience. When I finished, I sat down and my heart sank. It was at that moment, that I knew the message I had prepared was not what the audience wanted or needed to hear. I had been so focused on the message I wanted to give that I hadn't allowed the space in my preparation to really consider what the audience would need or want.
Now, I know this is all my perception. There may be someone that liked it. I am not sure what people were thinking. I haven’t talked to anyone. I did have some people that were nice and told me that I did a good job. But I had a lot of thoughts in my head.
We all have that self critic within us. Mine was saying, “they are just being kind.”
I have had time to think about the message I gave along with the message that perhaps I wanted to give but didn’t allow space for.
Now, I teach about how the thoughts we think create our emotions which create the overall experiences we have. And boy, did I have thoughts that create my experience.
Thoughts like:
“Jill, you suck.”
“No one liked that.”
“You totally lost them.”
“Why did you spend so much time talking about that?”
“Why did you say this?”
“No one is going to ask you to speak again.”
So, by the time I got home with all of those thoughts rattling around in my head, I felt heartbroken, sad and defeated. I played the evening over and over in my mind and I hardly slept. Not very helpful or useful.
But this is where I was at. Even though I teach this work, I am a human being. This is what happens to us sometimes and that is ok.
I know I can’t go back and change what happened. I can’t go back in time and undo it. I also know that a poor talk doesn’t say anything about the person I am. It doesn’t determine my value or my worth. The worst thing that happened from this is that I felt uncomfortable, that I felt bad and discouraged. I also know that I will get over it. I am mostly over it. I have had time to process my feelings.
But I wanted a redo. That is what this podcast episode is. I have words on my heart that I want to share today. That is the beauty of having your own podcast. I can share the talk that I wish I had given.
On the night I came home from speaking, I couldn’t sleep. So I got up, grabbed my computer and began writing this podcast. I knew that there was a talk within me that I wish I had given. Again, I don’t know that any of the women that I spoke to will even hear this podcast. It is pretty unlikely that many of them even follow me. Maybe. But there are words within my heart that I want to share with you today.
So here it goes……
Many of us have been influenced by the work of Dr. Suess. He has written numerous fun and creative children's books that teach powerful messages in a fun and simple way. One of those books is Oh, The Places You’ll Go! This book was published in 1990, the year before he died, at the age of 87. On the back sleeve of the book it says, “it is the perfect send-off for anyone embarking on the Great Balancing Act that is life.” It is a farewell book where he shares beautiful insights on living. I want to share with you 13 lessons that I have pulled out of this book.
“Congratulations!
Today is your day!
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!”
Lesson #1: Celebrate. My belief is that life is a gift and that we lived with our Heavenly Parents before we came to this earth. They prepared this beautiful planet and this human experience for each of us which gives us opportunities for learning, growing and becoming. The only thing that you really have control over is today. This present moment. The past is over and the future isn’t guaranteed. Today is a gift and there are wonderful things in store for you. Let’s celebrate today.
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
Lesson #2: You have everything you need.
We each came to earth with our brains and our physical bodies. These are incredible gifts that help each of us to experience mortality. You have everything you need within you to help you create your own way in this life. Your brains and your feet will take you where you want to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
Lesson #3: Agency.
Along with your feet and your brains you have the gift of agency. The power to choose. You get to choose what kind of life experience you will have. You don’t always have control over your circumstances but you have the power to react and to respond how you want. You have the power to discern and consider the direction you want to take. It really is up to you.
And you may not find any
You’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town.
It’s opener there
In the wide open air.
Lesson #4: The power of perspective.
Sometimes, we are going to want to slow down, to get out in nature, or just get still in order to get some perspective; to look to God for some greater, higher, heavenly perspective; to consider other possibilities; to soften our hearts towards ourselves and others.
Out there things can happen
and frequently do
To people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.
Oh! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
Lesson #5: Worrying and stewing aren’t necessary.
Worrying and stewing seem useful but they aren’t. They won’t get you where you want to go. Worrying and stewing aren’t even required to live life. Did you know that? They are not even necessary. Don’t take life too seriously and maybe laugh a little bit more. Just keep going and have faith. Sometimes all we can do is to take the next best step before we can see things change.
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
Who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I am sorry to say so
but , sadly, it’s true
That Bang-ups
And hang-ups
Can happen to you.
Lesson #6: Life is 50/50.
We really aren’t supposed to be happy all of the time. Opposition was always part of the plan. The contrast of life is what makes it so beautiful. You won’t know the beauty without the bitter. You can actually enjoy your journey because you aren’t believing that you are doing life wrong when you struggle. It is all part of the plan.
You can get all hung up
In a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch
With an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
That you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
Is not easily done.
Lesson #7: Acceptance is powerful.
When you try to change your past or other people, you will lose every time because they are out of your control. When you fight and resist against what is, this just makes you miserable. Accepting reality doesn’t mean you have to love it but you don't have to fight against it. There is a difference. Understanding this is how things are. This is where you are. You can then ask yourself, “Now what?” Loosening your grip on trying to change things out of your control can actually help you live in the now, move forward, and un-slump yourself.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in, should you turn left or right ….
Or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
For a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused
That you’ll start in to race
Down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
And grind on for miles across wierdish wild space,
Headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
Lesson #8: Your brain means well.
Your brain is trying to keep you safe. The human brain is incredible and it is amazing at its job. It offers all kinds of thoughts that it believes will help you. Its goal is to keep you safe. It is always looking to avoid danger or pain, for ways to be more efficient, and seeking pleasure. All three of these functions are meant to keep you alive.—for your survival. However, in our modern world, we aren’t facing the same kind of danger as our ancestors once were. Yet it is still doing its job so well that this can cause you to get confused and stuck in fear. Things that really aren’t dangerous seem dangerous. But when you can understand your brain is just trying to help you then you can remind it who is the boss and begin using your agency. My coach, Jody Moore, has said it this way, “you should talk to yourself more than you listen to yourself.”
The Waiting Place….
….for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
Or a bus to come, or a plane to go
Or the mail to come, or the rain to go
Or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
Or waiting around for a Yes or a No
Or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
Or waiting for wind to fly a kite
Or waiting around for Friday night
Or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
Or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
Or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
Or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
No!
That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape
All that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places
Where Boom Bands are playing.
Lesson #9: Make room for the positive.
Learning to embrace the uncomfortable is where the fun begins and the growth happens. The worst thing that is going to happen is that you are going to feel an uncomfortable emotion. We don’t love how negative emotions feel but they will not hurt us. When you can allow them, they will move through you. Processing and allowing your emotions will help move you through the experiences of life. Embracing the uncomfortable makes space for the beautiful. I know this seems counter-intuitive but resisting negative emotion just creates more negative emotion. By embracing the negative you make room for the positive.
With banner flip-flapping,
Once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
Will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be,
With the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t.
Because, sometimes, they won’t.
Lesson #10: Find the lessons.
Remember, life is 50/50. This is what makes life beautiful. We weren’t meant to come and live a life of ease–one without pain. There is purpose in the pain. When we are in the middle of it, it is hard to see the beauty. I invite you to look back at the challenges and the struggles you have had in the past. My guess is that you will find lessons in that reflection. Again, it doesn’t mean we love all of it but would you trade the lesson? What could you accomplish if you could get good at feeling & allowing all of it for the growth that comes with it.
I’m afraid that some times
You’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
‘Cause you’ll play against you.
All alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
You’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
You’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There a some, down the road between hither and yon,
That can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
Lesson #11: Be your own BFF.
There are going to be times when you feel alone. There are going to be times when you feel less than. Time you will compare yourself to others. Times you may wish things were different and you are going to feel afraid. In those moments, you need to be your best friend and remind yourself that you are never really alone. You have Heavenly Parents who love you. You have a Savior who has felt what you feel. He has suffered so he can succor you in your painful moments. You don’t earn your value, your worth or Their love. You were born with all of it which means you can’t lose any of it. Be your own BFF and remind yourself of these truths.
But on you will go
Though the weather be foul.
On you will go
Though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
A frightening creek,
Though your arms may get sore
And your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike.
And I know you’ll hike far
And face up to your problems whatever they are.
Lesson #12: You can do hard things.
The struggles you face in this life don’t define you but they can refine you. It takes awareness, acceptance and accountability. But when you can be honest with yourself, understand that you are an imperfect human doing your best, and that you were made for this, you will have the power to create wanted change in your life. No. It’s not for the faint of heart but you were made for this.
You’ll get mixed up, of course,
As you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
With many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s
A great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So….
Be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
Or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
You’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So. . . get on your way!
Lesson #13: You’re off to great places!
You are off to great places because you are a child of God. That is why you are here. You aren’t supposed to be just like anyone else. There is only one you in this world so be the YOUest you you can be. You are going to make mistakes and that is ok. You aren’t going to get it right everytime and that is ok because life is messy. The world needs what you uniquely have to offer. Just keep going, taking one step at a time. You will succeed as long as you keep trying. Your mountain is waiting for you!
So those are the 13 lessons from Dr. Seuss’ book, Oh, The Place You’ll Go! Take time to celebrate the gift of today. Remember, that you have all you need within you. You have the ability to choose for yourself which is one of the greatest gifts God has given you. Don’t underestimate slowing down and getting some heavenly perspective. Worrying isn’t necessary or useful and it is definitely not required to live a wonderful, amazing life. LIfe is 50/50. It is meant to be messy, that is how the beauty of life is discovered. Don’t argue with what is. Instead of asking, “How come? Or “Why me?”, Start asking, “Now what?”, “What is possible?” Your brain means well and it is doing its job. The thoughts you think are normal but it doesn’t mean you have to believe them. Just remind your brain who is actually in charge. Embrace the uncomfortable to make space for the wonderful. Find the lessons and be your best friend. Take care of you. You can do hard things. You were made for this because you are a child of God. Be the Youest you and Your mountain is waiting for you.
Oh, the places you will go!
If you want to explore any of these concepts on a deeper level, I invite you to schedule a free discovery call to see how I can help you in my 12-week one on one coaching program. The link for that can be found in my show notes or on my website.
Thank you for listening!
Have a joyful week!
Mentioned in the podcast:
Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Suess
Dedicated to the Mendon 1st Ward Relief Society
Click on the link below to learn more about Seasons Coaching and my Seasons of Joy Community Facebook Group.
To contact me about speaking to your group or business, email me at jill@seasons-coaching.com.
