Episode 79 - Self-Love
Episode 79 - Self-Love
Hello, friends!
Welcome to the Seasons of Joy Podcast.
I am so happy you are here.
It has been a minute since I put out a podcast episode.
I have been traveling quite a bit this last month and so my podcast has taken a little bit of a back seat but I am back and so glad to be recording again.
At the beginning of the month, I hosted my 2nd annual An Awakening Retreat. One of my highlights from my latest retreat was the amazing women that participated. There is something so powerful about gathering together as women to share in the struggle of being human but also to celebrate one another.
It was so awesome and I am already making plans for my next retreat. I am currently working on finalizing the dates. So watch for more information to come by the end of the year.
Also, I wanted to let you know about an amazing free resource that I have available for you as we are approaching the holidays. Many of us will be gathering with family and friends to celebrate. For some of us, this can be a challenge. When we are struggling in our relationships, the holidays can be difficult. Some of those relationships could even be with our own adult children. I have put together what I call Mending The Rift: Repairing Relationships with Your Adult Children. In this resource, I share with you 7 tips to help you navigate those relationships that seem challenging to you. It is geared towards our relationships with our adult children but the tips I share are applicable to any relationship. You can find the link in the show notes. If you will apply each of these tips, I promise you, you will be better able to enjoy the holidays with those you love.
On to today’s episode.
I am going to be discussing the importance of self-love. Self-love is all about treating yourself with the same kindness, respect and care that you would offer to a good friend. It's about recognizing your own worth and taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Many people struggle with self-love, and it's something that can be particularly challenging in today's world where we are constantly bombarded with messages about who we should be, what we should look like, and how we should act. However, practicing self-love is essential for our well-being and happiness. Self-love strengthens the relationship we have with ourselves. When we have a strong relationship with self we are better able to have strong relationships with others.
I want to share 5 steps to creating more self-love in your life.
I believe that the first step in building a strong relationship with yourself and greater self-love is to understand your identity. It can be easy to base your identity on your job, your marital status, the number of children you have, your appearance, your financial situation, how you serve others, your achievements, your to-do list, etc. You get the idea. We get so caught up in what we are doing that we miss the amazingness of our being.
In a recent General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Elder Mark A. Bragg shared something that I just love. He said, “Life is challenging. Many people feel overwhelmed, alone, isolated, or exhausted. When things are difficult, we may feel that we have wandered or fallen behind. Knowing that we are all children of God and members of His eternal family will restore a sense of belonging and purpose.2 President M. Russell Ballard shared: “There is one important identity we all share now and forever. … That is that you are and have always been a son or daughter of God. … Understanding this truth—really understanding it and embracing it—is life-changing.”3 Do not misunderstand or devalue how important you are to your Father in Heaven. You are not an accidental by-product of nature, a cosmic orphan, or the result of matter plus time plus chance. Where there is design, there is a designer.”
Really understanding and embracing the truth of who you are is life-changing and puts you on a path to being the creator you were designed to be. The creator of your life experience.
In another General Conference address, Elder Gary A Stevenson challenged us with this: “As you look at yourself in the mirror, think to yourself or say aloud if you like, ‘Wow, look at me. I’m amazing. I am a Child of God. He knows me. He loves me.’”
You are known.
You are loved.
When we can embrace that we are 100% lovable, valuable and worthy, we open ourselves up to truly living and loving and becoming.
What would your life look like if you believed this?
Knowing who we are helps us on our journey to loving who we are.
The second step towards self-love is learning to accept yourself as you are. This means recognizing your strengths and weaknesses and being kind to yourself when things don't go as planned.
Many people believe that if they make mistakes they are doing life wrong. And if they are doing life wrong, they need to be hard on themselves in order to do better. Believing that if they give themselves some grace they are just condoning the poor behavior. However, beating ourselves up will never produce wanted change in the long run. Shame does not empower us. It disempowers us and actually has the opposite effect on our behavior.
Think of one of your best friends. If they came to you with the same challenges you are struggling with and they were feeling bad about themselves, what would you do? What would you say to them? Would you tell them how dumb or stupid they are? Would you tell them how terrible they are? Would you quit being their friend? You are probably rolling your eyes and thinking about how absurd this would be. Of course, you won’t treat someone else that way. So why would you treat yourself that way?
I once had a coach invite me to find a picture of myself as a child and then put it where I could see it every day. When I was tempted to move into shame because of something I did or didn’t do, I was invited to look at that picture of my younger self and ask this question. “Is what I am saying or about to say to myself something I would say to my younger self?” If the answer is no, then don’t say it. Period. If what you are going to say to yourself isn’t true, helpful, or kind, don’t say it.
We need more self-love and self-compassion, not less.
I looked up the meaning of self-compassion on the internet and I found this: “Self-compassion is simply the process of turning compassion inward. We are kind and understanding rather than harshly self-critical when we fail, make mistakes or feel inadequate. We give ourselves support and encouragement rather than being cold and judgmental when challenges and difficulty arise in our lives.”
What would your life look like if you could do this for yourself?
The third step in building a stronger relationship with yourself and increased self-love is embracing curiosity. This is where the magic happens. Curiosity helps us evolve, change and grow. This is done by asking questions so that we can learn from our experiences. Getting curious helps us to learn how to create a life we love. Embracing curiosity also means accepting the messiness of life. It is in the messiness where the greatest growth happens.
How can you get more curious in your life? What questions could you ask yourself? The higher quality the question, the higher quality the answer.
Here are some ideas of questions you could ask yourself.
How can I be an example of what is possible?
How can I make today better than yesterday?
What do I love about myself?
How can I honor my body today?
What am I grateful for today?
How can I make myself a priority so I have more to give others?
What can I do to laugh more today?
How can I add more joy into my life?
You get the idea.
This leads me to my fourth step to greater self-love.
Celebrate your wins.
So often, we are quick to focus on what we are doing wrong. This makes sense because our brain is designed to look for what is wrong. But if we aren’t careful, we can find ourselves in a pattern of negative bias. Looking for those little wins in our day takes practice and intention. We need to train our brain on purpose to find those things to celebrate. The more we practice, the easier it will become.
It may look like, before going to bed, reflecting on your day and trying to find at least 3 wins from the day. It could be something as simple as folding the laundry. Some other ideas are: finishing a book you are reading, getting out in nature, balancing your checkbook, doing a presentation, moving your body, remaining calm with your teenager, writing in your journal, or calling a friend. The goal is to find things to celebrate!
The fifth step to greater self-love is to create a joy list. What are those things that bring you joy? Many of us don’t even consider this. We just go along with our day not really considering what we enjoy. Finding ourselves caught up in the daily grind running on autopilot. If we want to experience more joy in our life, it is up to us to intentionally infuse it into our days. I like to have my clients make a list of 40 things that bring them joy from the simplest to the more complex. Things that take only a few seconds to things that take a whole day. Listing out a variety of joyful things that you can have in your back pocket for when you need a joyful pick me up.
One of the things that brings me joy is getting out in nature. Some days, I am able to spend hours in the mountains and other days it’s only a few minutes on the back deck of my house. For me, it isn’t about the amount of time but just making some time. Another example, connecting with others brings me joy. It may be a phone call or it may just be a text message exchange.
What would your life be like if you considered those things that bring you joy? What would your life be like if you added something from that list into your day everyday? Remember, it isn’t necessarily how long the thing takes but just doing something everyday that invites more joy into your life.
So those are 5 ways to increase your self-love.
Understand your identity.
Accept and have compassion for yourself.
Embrace curiosity.
Celebrate your wins.
Add joy to your life.
Ultimately, self-love is about recognizing your own worth and treating yourself with the kindness and respect that you deserve. So, take some time today to reflect on how you can practice self-love in your own life and start making small changes towards a happier, healthier you. Thanks for tuning in to this episode on self-love, and we'll see you next time.
Mentioned on the podcast:
Promptings of the Spirit By Elder Gary E. Stevenson
Christlike Poise By Elder Mark A. Bragg
FREE PDF - Mending the Rift: Repairing Relationships with Adult Children
If you are ready to take these concepts and apply them to your circumstances, I would love to be your coach.
Click on the following links to learn more about Seasons Coaching and my Seasons of Joy Community Facebook Group.
Are you ready to take what I teach to a deeper level? I would love to be your coach! Click HERE to learn more about my Season of Creation 12-Week Coaching package.
To contact me about speaking to your group or business, email me at jill@seasons-coaching.com.
