Episode 14 - Breaking the Fun Barrier
Episode 14 - Breaking the Fun Barrier
In this week’s episode I want to talk about how we limit ourselves when it comes to having fun and I want to offer some suggestions that may help you break through your fun barrier.
I recently finished reading Gay Hendricks book, The Big Leap. In this book, he talks about a pattern he has noticed and the one problem that holds us all back. He refers to it as the Upper Limit Problem. On our journey to becoming our best selves we each have created our own unique glass ceiling. This is a barrier that keeps us from growing in all areas of our lives and reaching our full potential.
Gay Hendricks teaches this simple pattern: we enjoy a period of feeling really good; then we do something to mess it up. We create a limited tolerance for feeling good. When we hit our Upper Limit, we may manufacture thoughts that make us feel bad. But even bigger than that though, we have a limited tolerance for life going well in general. When we hit our Upper Limit, we do something that brings us back down within the bounds of our limited tolerance and this stops our positive forward momentum. We sabotage ourselves when we hit the imaginary upper limit we have placed on ourselves and lessen the amount of fun and happiness we are able to experience.
This got me thinking of an experience that I had about 10 years ago. My husband and I went on an anniversary trip to Italy. He served an LDS mission there and has such a great love for the people and places there. We spent two weeks exploring, connecting and having fun. We had a wonderful time. But something really interesting happened after we got home. We actually started disagreeing and creating distance between us. We entered a dark place in our marriage. The connection we had both been feeling was suddenly turning into disconnection. Why? I have thought about his experience often and wondered why? How could we have been in such a good, happy place for it to change so quickly? After reading the big leap, I could see I had created an Upper Limit Problem. My tolerance for life going well and feeling good had bumped against my glass ceiling. I am not saying I did it on purpose but in a way I was bringing myself back down within my bounds of tolerance. Getting back to a place where the level of happiness felt comfortable.
We sometimes set an Upper Limit on having and creating more fun in our lives without even realizing it.
We view the world around us and we interact with it because of how we see things. By our thoughts. Our beliefs.
I want to share with you seven false beliefs that can limit our ability to create fun and enjoy life. These beliefs can become barriers that hold us back from creating a life we love. In order to create, experience and express more fun and joy in our lives we must learn to overcome these barriers.
FALSE BELIEFS:
The false belief that we are fundamentally flawed. Believing we are essentially bad and bad people can’t have fun.
The false belief that by having fun we are being disloyal to others in our life because they are struggling.
The false belief that we are a burden in the world. Diminishing ourselves so we won’t be a bigger burden.
The false belief that we must dim the brilliance of our light so that we don’t outshine others.
The false belief that it is important to get things right and that we can’t have fun because we are too busy, it’s too hard, or it is too frustrating.
The false belief that our abilities, intelligence, talents, and personality are just fixed traits. We only have so much of these.
The false belief that fun doesn’t really matter, it isn’t necessary, there are more important things to do, and we need to be responsible adults.
The good news is that when we understand we have been limiting ourselves by beliefs like these, we are able to begin to create a new energy and power within us which frees us and helps us to break through our own glass ceiling, our fun barrier.
Gay Hendricks says it this way in his book.
“Understanding why we’ve limited ourselves liberates a new energy in us, which we can draw on to propel us to new heights of abundance, love, creativity, and fun. As we spiral upward in our quest to express our unique genius, we will likely soar past ghosts and shadows of those old barriers. For this reason, it’s best to think of our quest as a continuing journey of transcending upper limits. The payoff for the work is a gift of enduring value: we get to live in the full rainbow of our potential, in our Zone of Genius. In that exalted space, we enjoy the love, abundance, success, and fun we create and our very presence inspires people wherever we go in the world. We transcend our upper limit problem each time we make more room inside us to feel more love, abundance, creativity and fun. It’s done moment by moment.”
Moments are what our days are filled with. We can break through our fun barriers moment by moment by practicing new beliefs:
We are all amazing. We are not our choices. The roles we play. Our thoughts or our actions. We were born with value and worth. We don’t earn it.
We can’t help others by choosing to not have fun. Being miserable and not enjoying ourselves does not in any way help someone else that is struggling. We are here to add our light to the world.
We are all unique and wonderful. Variety is the spice of life. You and I are needed in this world right now at this time to offer our unique qualities, talents, abilities and gifts.
Dimming our light doesn’t add more light to others. The more we share and shine our light, the more light we bring to the world to shine on everyone.
We are dynamic beings. We are designed to evolve. To learn and grow. This includes making mistakes. It isn’t about getting it all right. It is about evolving and experiencing all the emotions.
Mistakes and trying are part of growing. There is no such thing as failure, only learning. Growth comes outside of our comfort zone.
There is great power in the word “yet.” We don’t have it all figured out YET. We don’t know what is possible YET.
As we gain awareness of what our barriers are, we can bring our brain into balance and enter the Fun Zone. We do this by understanding that fun is important and it isn’t important. It is about finding the fun right where you are and now and it not having to look a certain way.
It isn’t always about doing the most fun thing. It is about bringing the fun to what you are doing.
Here are 10 suggestions to help you break through your fun barrier:
Smile and laugh more.
Decide what fun means to you
Make a list of small pleasures and try and do one a day.
Make a list of things you have always wanted to try and make a goal of doing it.
Set a goal to play more and schedule time to do it.
Switch up your routine.
Practice mindfulness. Be in the present moment. Feel whatever you are feeling.
Look for ways to make work more fun.
Dance and/or listen to music.
Play with a child
George Bernard Shaw once said, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
It is a little ironic as I have been writing and recording this episode, I have really bumped against my fun barrier. To do lists, deadlines and responsibilities have come on the heels of grandkid fun. The beginning of this day started early and anxiety came along for the ride. Believing that things were hard and that fun was not possible today. To be honest. I have been pushed for this idea since yesterday with a grumpy attitude. Settling in for no fun. But something amazing happened. I paused this afternoon amongst all that I had going on and went to the local zoo and park with my daughter and my grandchildren. I slowed down and I played. I swang in a swing higher than I have for a long time and it was fun! All the deadlines and stresses slipped away. Now I am back at creating for a deadline but seeing the fun in it. Playing with children will definitely help you find the fun zone.
Again, our lives are made up of moments. How do you want to spend yours?
Mentioned in the episode: The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0026772QU/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
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Have a joyful week!
